Before leaving Camboriu I accompanied host Eddy to watch his football team play an important match on TV in his local bar. Football is certainly a religion that shares the same ethics around the world, beer, shouting, angry protests and drunken lullabies.  I missed those Sundays back home with mates in the pub, drinking all day to wash away the reality of another week at work creeping closer, waking the following day barely having any recollection of my two day break from a robotic rotation before breaking my balls over painfully long week days to put fuel in the bosses fast car yet leaving myself penniless each month upon discovering an unexpected bill through the letterbox. For two hours, Eddy could put his feet up from being a dad, wash down a few beers with a new friend whilst chomping on a delicious plate of fried cod fish balls, one of my favourite Brazilian delights. His team won the game and our time together concluded perfectly with smiles all around. It’s good to win however losing isn’t a bad thing either because without it how can we possibly appreciate a victory?

I was excited about meeting my next host in Sao Paulo, which was really my only intention to visit the fourth largest and sixth most populated city in the world. My planned host replied to the original email sent to all members on couchsurfing over two years ago offering me a couch and the possibility of Djing in the city. Yet upon arrival my excitement was short lived and one of my most anticipated couchsurfing experiences proved in fact to be a very uncomfortable budget bashing headache and had me questioning for the first time if all this was something I really want to continue with. With respect to my host (he/she) will be called X and in return I shall honour my readers with a true account to what I feel to be the dark side of society which rarely happens but unfortunately exists.

As always, arriving to a new city and making my way from the bus terminal to a host’s house alone is daunting for me especially when I can’t speak the language well and with so many bags I’m a prime target to be robbed. And my recent robbery has stripped me of any confidence I had before. I simply can’t afford to take chances anymore hence the reason I plan every step as safely as possible. Having spoke to X about my arrival he/she was too busy to meet me at the terminal which is fair enough (it’s not always to be expected) and instead gave me instructions to take the metro, change lanes once and then walk to the house from the terminal (or take a taxi). Taxi’s direct to his home where expensive so I decided against it. When I explained this to my host in Camboriu Stef who’s originally from Sao Paulo, she refused to have me arrive without someone meeting me sharing my concern about safety and carrying all my bags so far with a dodgy knee. If someone who knows the city tells me it’s not wise to be walking alone then I’m all ears. Stef kindly called her best friend who was more than willing to help, arranging for her boyfriend (also a couchsurfer) to meet me at the terminal and show me safely to my host’s house. Every time I hosted back home I would always pick up my guests when they arrived and most surfers I’ve stayed with tend to do the same. I guess I’m expecting too much but in my opinion it’s a small detail that tells me a little about what kind of host I’ll be staying with in advance.  They are either too busy working, don’t have a car, have another commitment, live too far away from the arrival point or unlike me and the majority of surfers I’ve stayed with, don’t really consider the safety of their guests. Everyone has the right to choose which I must respect.

When I arrived I was greeted by two surfers, Vicente and Andres who were thrilled to have me as a guest to their city and interested to know more about my project. I was invited to stay with them if I experienced any problems and should I need help with anything else aside from an escort I was to contact them without hesitation. Subways tend to be a little confusing at first but once you get the hang of them it’s an easy way to travel the city. However carrying over eighty pounds and looking lost isn’t a good entrance to a new place so I was thankful for the guys help. Once we left the subway we had a fair walk to my host’s apartment which had I attempted alone would have been near impossible with my knee. Both Andres and Vicente thought it was a little strange that my host couldn’t meet me however my host had to attend an important meeting and wouldn’t be home during my arrival. I was given instructions to leave my bags in reception, head directly to a couchsurfing meeting and meet with my host later that night. 

My first taste of the cs group in Sao Paulo was full of energy and offered a huge variety of members from all over the world. The group has more than two thousand people yet an average of seventy members attend the weekly meeting held in an adequate bar, its top floor dominated by a sea of surfers. I was welcomed into the group and helped Vicente and Andres enjoy their first cs meeting having only recently joined the network. Later I was finally united with my host who I’d been speaking to for well over two years via msn. Since that time X had took a step back from couchsurfing and ambassadorship to pursue a dream of opening a hostel, which was due to open this week. I agreed to work for free and help prepare the hostel for an opening party in three days time which X had arranged for me to Dj with himself and a few other surfers. I was pumped to get my hands dirty and get stuck into some real work. I never thought I’d say this but I am beginning to miss regular work, however the grass is always greener on the other side right?

It was obviously a bad time for X to be hosting due his busy schedule organizing the hostel which at first glance seemed almost impossible to have ready in time for the opening. Yet everyone chipped in and it all came together surprisingly well. I spent two days assembling over forty bunk beds with X then made all the bed sheets, crafted a temporary bar for the party and numerous bits and bats barely stopping to rest. X wanted me to stay at the hostel but I felt a little uncomfortable staying for free whilst other guests where already paying to stay. I preferred to stay at his apartment with his parents to continue my couchsurfing experience. Exactly the opposite was happening in fact.

I felt used by X. His only intention to host me it seemed was to utilize my help at the hostel which I never received a direct thank you for until I mentioned it. X’s philosophy seemed to be ‘well your staying at my home so you owe me’, and at times treated me more like an employer than a friend who’s offered a helping hand. I even asked ‘Why aren’t your friends helping you at this critical time’? “Brazilians don’t work for free”, was the reply. Nice I guess us English are just too dam gullible then? What really saddened me however was X’s complete and utter disrespect for me, my profession and my dream. Having known each other for so long I was surprised at his complete lack of knowledge about my life and project and a shady comment he made highlighting he’s never read a single journal and believed the rest of the world isn’t either commenting “people get excited but do you think people really read them”. My journals are the notes for my book not a craving for popularity, you are free to read and like them or not yet it’s unfair to comment if you are completely ignorant. X didn’t even know about my parents even after replying to an email from cs which clearly stated the reasons I had sold my house so I was obviously dealing with a self centred soul, I know because at times I can be the same yet I’m learning to listen, want to know more about other people and seek not to repeat my story over and over but nobody can take away my gift of always helping others at any given opportunity. My mother’s biggest weakness was she too often put people before her and never got the same care and love back when she needed it rendering her weak and broken. I’m prepared to help anyone but I’m certainly not going to be taken advantage of. You must know who to direct your positive energy to for its continuous flow or you will feel bitter and cheated and hatred to others. Walk away is my advice, don’t keep banging your head against a brick wall, climb over, smash it down, or follow it until you find a door to walk through making sure to slam it shut and throw away the key.

X’s mum rewarded my help around the hostel with a few simple words telling me I had a beautiful soul and a kind heart whilst X continued to trot on like a horse who can only see what lies ahead, dragging me behind for the ride. A tour around the city proved to be a shopping spree for last minute hostel necessities whilst I waited patiently for an hour in the car park thinking of a story I can make up to make this journal sound remotely interesting. Yet interestingly enough even my negative accounts have some appeal because after all society thrives off sad and weird stories and here I was couchsurfing the world, living my dream helping my least favourite host who was a hugely dedicated couchsurfer for many years, achieve their dream to continue hosting people at a cost? It all seemed a little confusing. I realise there’s a market for hostels and money to be made but what I don’t understand is how someone with no regards to the feelings of others, expects a favour to be returned, refuses to offer a helping hand when needed and thinks they are above everyone else can possibly want to run such a business which involves the highest of people skills to maintain a reputable status of which it seems is already tarnished amongst most people who know X.

Had I listened to the voice of several members before my arrival I would have planned to stay with another host. Instead my careless curiosity led me to suffer from a deep anxiety feeling a jealous wrath of negative energy being forced in my direction. X continuously wanted to make me feel inferior, frustratingly prolonged any solution to a problem I had, barely even listening to my concerns to begin with yet seemed fully attentive and operational when calling the shots like all good bosses do. The nail in the coffin of our friendship however was X’s inability to inform me of a minor detail as I frantically set up the Dj equipment for the party to do a sound test before the guests arrived, a task I shouldn’t have even been doing yet I kindly offered to help. Unbeknown to me the Cd decks where switched to 110v and I plugged them directly into a 220volt plug blowing the fuses rendering us without decks for the party.  X later admitted to me it was partially his/her fault for not telling me yet I was stumped with the bill of a hundred pounds to pay the owner for them to be fixed. So in a nutshell I work for free, offer to Dj for free, don’t get to play and have to pay money because someone forget to pass on a tiny piece of information. How the fuck is that fair? Man of my word, I paid hoping to buy my way out of X’s life forever, it was worth every penny. The situation wasn’t explained well at the party and instead I was made to look like a joke to some of X’s ignorant bystanders. Sticks and stones whatever but the truth will set me free and you can’t steal my dignity. I will apologize to anyone who witnessed my drunken state that evening, to say I was pissed is an understatement. I simply had to wash away the embarrassment and forget how this world can be so full of self centred bigheads who can’t take responsibility for their lack of action and response!

For over three days I was stuck at the hostel with all my belongings back at X’s house. Unable to stand X’s presence any longer I accepted the offer to crash with Vicente and Andre and hope to redeem my opinion about Sao Paulo. Having spent a wonderful day with the guys and Vicente’s girlfriend Carla strolling though the biggest park in all South America I agreed to cook them dinner to say thank you for saving my soul from the tyranny of selfish seduction. Andres offered to help me transfer my bags from X’s apartment. When I arrived to the hostel, X was unwillingly to take us home in the car due to the peak time traffic. Instead his plan was for I and Andres to take the metro and X would be home in fifteen minutes via motorcycle. Sweet, yet I sensed it wouldn’t be so simple even announcing to Andres that for sure we will need to wait longer. Almost an hour and fifteen minutes later X arrived having forgot about me, only remembering because we had a search party trying to call his cell phone “got tied up with something else”, was his excuse through devilish eyes. “I wouldn’t expect anything less”, was my last ever reply.

I planned to have dinner ready for my new hosts for 8pm. Instead due to X’s amazing hospitality the four of us settled down to a homemade curry right before midnight. We shared the funny side of my experience concluding that life is full of obstacles both physically and mentally and unfortunately some people just don’t share the same values in life. I don’t hate X that would be immature and unfair because so many people have obviously shared a completely different experience and I have to take some responsibility for our clash in character and full blame for allowing myself to fall into the web of a social spider hoping to entangle the fish that can fly. In fact I appreciate the free accommodation and dinners you shared. And for helping me write something real highlighting that couchsurfing also has its disadvantages. Who knows maybe X will actually read one of my journals now it’s predominately about them. I wish you well for the future and appreciate the reminder of how not to treat people without respect.

Unfortunately I just won’t remember X (my first official erased host) and instead will fill the pages of my book with something word worthy, inspiringly and not detrimental to my cause. To make the world a better place. Thanks to Andres, Vicente and Carla and the many warm hearts of Sao Paulo I’m still on course to achieve just that.