CouchSurfing the World

Bunk beds and pink sheets made me feel my youth again although I much preferred my He-Man collection over Barbie Dolls and a husband without a penis. Poor Ken! How’s a women ever gonna learn with that little rabbit nose stump? And what the hell have they both got to smile about if he hasn’t got his manhood? Poor design feature! Society is so fo*ked up. Just look at the toys we are given to play with as kids. Action men and guns for boys, no wonder so many young teenagers are brainwashed into joining the army. And is it a wonder why so many teenage girls want to get pregnant having spent their childhood raising a plastic baby that really cries when it’s not fed by invisible milk and learning how to behave well in a toy kitchen making sure to put the pots back in the right place at the end of the day? The computer games of today teach young children how to lead a battalion into war and fictional characters like the tooth fairy still exist. For Christ sake, don’t blame it on drugs when a young girl jumps from her balcony, maybe she thought she could fly? It was probably our parents on drugs that thought of the tooth fairy anyway. As for Father Christmas, don’t be so cruel; tell them it’s a farce while they are young because I was truly devastated when I found my dad on Christmas morning passed out on the couch with the whiskey and half eaten mince pie and Santa pants stained with piss around his ankles. And we get mad when our kids lie to us. Shame on you!

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Everything seemed perfectly relaxed, the colorful cocktail shirt serving up a delightful array of exotic fruit juices with a smile as big as the ocean he faced, big white teeth atop chiseled beach bodies smothered in the perfect coco skin, a year in the gym certainly pays off in this climate. I felt somewhat like a punctured tire, worn out from my endless journey over difficult terrains, the only firm grip I had left was on my cold beer which probably should have been a coconut shell filled with a healthy beverage. Balls to it, if you think my white freckled out of shape body is weird you should check out Blackpool beach during summer, now that’s a sight.  My E.T shaped man boobs frizzled into a lovely reddish glaze like a pair of cows bollocks swinging in the rays, yet my angelic talcum powder skin tone actually seemed to be working with the ladies who I caught on occasion having a wee goosy gander! Maybe it was because I was the only one wearing surfing shorts and not those little tight gay hot pants that show the veins in your penis. Or maybe it’s due to the mistaken motto of ‘once you try black you never go back’? Well I’m telling you now, ‘once you try white, you won’t give a shite’!

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Suddenly I found myself in a complicated predicament. My feelings for Anita grew stronger each day and I wanted to spend the little time I had in Uruguay with her as well as time with my uncle and Ryan and host Martin. It’s been over a year since I felt in love with a woman and two years since I’ve been with family and now I found myself having to juggle between the two. I admit traveling for so long can be lonely and when an opportunity arises to spend time with attractive young women who shares so much in common with me then I have no choice but to surrender my soul even though I know I have to leave at some point. This is something I never really contemplated when I left home and it’s impossible to imagine I could ever meet someone who could join me traveling for so long or wait for me to finish. So what do I do? The same as any other man I suppose, act now think later. I had overstepped the emotional barrier the first time I laid eyes on Ana and found myself caught in a tractor beam being pulled closer to the death star, my Lightsaber fully extended all the while my Yoda screaming to me to ‘use the force’ and turn away now while I still have the chance. I’ve never been a great listener.

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